No Grit, No Pearl, or, an Ode to the Celebrity Mole

Cindy Crawford shot by the inimitable Arthur Elgort. I had the chance to work with Arthur recently - he’s 83 and amazing.

I sat watching the big, beautiful face of a budding ingenue projected larger than life. Her hair, make up, and costume were picture perfect. A voice called out through the darkness, “WHAT DO WE THINK ABOUT HER MOLE?” I found myself witness to this surreal discussion while assistant costume designing a big movie. We were watching the footage from the camera test (a mini-shoot before we actually start filming to see how the hair, make up, wardrobe, lights, etc look on camera) and I was in a screening room filled with producers and creatives deliberating whether to digitally erase an actress's distinctive beauty mark. The conversation unfolded to reveal a gender divide - the women in the room rallied around the mole, praising its uniqueness and character, while the men leaned towards the idea of attaining perfection on her face. I’m happy to report that the women quickly put the kibosh on the mole removal, but the exchange stuck with me.

In the realms of film and fashion, the pressure to conform to cultural standards of beauty is palpable and intense. As a woman, I’ve wandered through the ever-evolving landscape of beauty standards, eventually coming to understand firsthand that perfection is a myth perpetuated by glossy magazines and Instagram filters. But who decides what constitutes flawlessness anyway? Why does it always involve impossibly smooth skin, perfect proportions, and a Photoshopped glow? And why, no matter how much I know what goes on behind the scenes to create those perfect images, do I still feel beholden to compare myself with them?

Remember the simultaneously hilarious and depressing scene in Mean Girls where the teenage beauties gather round a mirror, pointing out their supposed flaws? It's a self-deprecating ritual where each girl feels compelled to list her perceived imperfections - even the tiniest ones. Genius comedienne Amanda Seyfried deadpans, “My nail beds suck.”  These behaviors start young. My heart broke a little a few weeks ago when my three year old asked me, “Mom, am I skinny?”

That afternoon in the screening room brought to my mind the iconic 90’s supermodel Cindy Crawford, who, early in her career, faced similar pressures to remove her beauty mark (which her sisters referred to as her “ugly mark”). Despite hating it as a kid and facing criticism & suggestions to erase it, Cindy chose to own her mole. She defied conventional beauty standards and created a signature look that became a symbol of individuality & confidence. Cindy later said, "Many women have beauty marks and when they saw me on the cover of Vogue or in a magazine with my beauty mark it made them feel more comfortable with their own."

SJP in her OG SATC days, mole in tow

Soon after the first Sex and the City movie was released, Sarah Jessica Parker appeared in public mole-free. When the beloved actress had the mole on her chin removed, she faced an unexpected backlash. SJP told David Letterman "I didn't have strong feelings, I didn't object to it. I just didn't care for it. And I had about six free days when I could be bloody and stabbed and no one will care and honestly I didn't think a thing about it and then apparently it turned into Mole-gate.” People were aghast that she’d gotten rid of her “signature.”

"I was like, 'My mole was my signature? Isn't my brain my signature?'" she asked. “… I thought I'd make a terrible mistake. Can they put it back on?" Celeb imperfections can have an oddly powerful impact on our sense of identity and shared humanity.  Of course, fans continued to love and relate to Carrie, mole or not (although I’ve always been a Miranda girl - old school Miranda, not the one who constantly makes uncharacteristically guileless gaffes), but SJP’s Mole-gate serves as a poignant reminder of the deep emotional connection people develop with physical quirks that make public figures relatable.

NOTE: this is not a mole advocacy PSA. Moles are neutral! I firmly believe that one should do whatever one wants to their face, and that famous peoples’ faces belong solely to them - they’re not public property. But here is a PSA: check your moles regularly with a dermatologist, especially if you notice changes in color/size/borders. Never, ever, try to remove a mole at home (😱).

Back to regularly scheduled programming: Navigating the labyrinth of beauty standards imposed by social media and the flawless façade of television can be a rough road for women, myself included. The pressure to conform to unrealistic ideals can cue a disconcerting dance with self-image, leading some down twisted paths of disordered eating, body dysmorphia, and mental health struggles. Like anyone, I’ve known self-doubt, the relentless comparison game, and the exhausting pursuit of an elusive perfection that left me feeling perpetually inadequate. It's a raw and unfiltered reality that we all face, one I’m confronting with a renewed commitment to fostering a community that celebrates authenticity, where imperfections are not just accepted but embraced. I hope the The Pearl will be a sanctuary where we can acknowledge our struggles, support one another, and redefine beauty on our own terms. Together, we can create a space that stands against the damaging norms, offering camaraderie and understanding in the face of societal pressures.

Another silver lining of getting older – the wisdom that whispers in the background, urging me to care a little less about conformity and a little more about self-love. I'm not immune to the occasional critical gaze in the mirror; there are still days when I see plenty "wrong." However, I've grown to like my grey hairs, seeing each strand as a shimmery streamer. I try to remind myself to be grateful for my body that can trudge through miles of Manhattan streets, juggling ten pounds of shopping on each arm (when I’m working, “Shopping Is My Cardio” isn’t just a t-shirt slogan).  I try to appreciate this body that gallantly carried and birthed a baby (despite its best efforts not to), this body that has made it forty-two years without any serious diseases or illness (touch wood), this body that is splattered with its own freckles, moles, and scars.

In the spirit of Cindy Crawford's lovely mole, The Pearl stands as a steadfast advocate for the beauty found in imperfections. The name "The Pearl" was inspired by the symbolism of pearls and their connection to growth and transformation. (Not to mention City Island’s history as an oystering hub!)  A pearl is formed when an irritant, like a grain of sand, enters the oyster and becomes coated in layers of nacre (mother-of-pearl) to produce a lustrous gem. Life's challenges and grit are so often catalysts for personal growth and transformation. Our journeys, like the oyster's creation of a pearl, become radiant masterpieces shaped by accepting what was once an irritant.

So, here's to celebrating the grit that forms our pearls, throwing away magnifying mirrors, and creating a community that values authenticity over an unrealistic pursuit of perfection.  And yes… I’ll admit that this may indeed be a mole advocacy PSA.