YOU DON’T LIVE ON THE INTERNET

by Mandy Tang

A few weeks ago, I took a 75-minute hot vinyasa class.  It was one of those dry hot ones, not the steamy hot.  It was so hot you have to focus on every breath and your sports bra feels tight.  It's like a forced meditation because you're so focused on, well, how do I say this - trying not to die.  Oh, I should mention that it had been about a year since I'd done a hot yoga class, so I was very rusty.  When the instructor talked about pushing past your limits, I smiled back.  But it was a forced smile.  Inside, I was feeling angry, a little fat, and self-conscious.

"Why is it so hot in here," I said to myself.  "Why are they asking me to kneel and balance on my toes?  This hurts, oh god, it hurts."

I took an online quiz that tells you your ayurvedic body type and I knew I was a "pitta."  Already fiery.  Pittas are supposed to avoid heat!  They are overheated as is, because we love fatty, fried foods and something about taking on responsibility that isn't ours.  Yup, that tracks. 

"Eat more cucumbers," was a note I made to myself. 

Anyway, you're really not supposed to do hot yoga as a pitta.  But sometimes you are so desperate to find your way back to yourself that you try to make these big moves.  

On the drive home, which was only 10 minutes long, a Tracy Chapman song came on the radio and I started to cry.  It was a good cry.  One of those release cries.  What was I even crying about?!  I don't even know.  Exercise just has a way of breaking you open.  

"Let it out," I told myself, aware that I was feeling something deeply.  

 "Wow, I wonder why I'm so emotional.  Was I really holding all of that in?"  And then, as I was driving in the dark, a weird wave of joy.  "I'm going to get everything I want in life," I thought to myself, a slight drizzle falling on the windshield.  Ah, the happy hormones were kicking in.  

Here's what I think about movement:  I think we all have a rich interior life.  Inner monologues and thoughts that we use to talk to ourselves.  We tell stories to ourselves, about ourselves.  Engaging in regular activity helps us become better, richer storytellers to ourselves.  When you do something that is physically tough, the mind resists.  It hates it.  It grumbles.  It tells you to please stop.  It doesn't want to do it.  But then, you get through it.  Class is over - you did it!  You are still here, still safe.  

In coaching circles, there's the concept of creating a "container."  You create a safe container for your client so that they may talk, experiment, explore within that container.  You agree to certain rules and maintain clean boundaries so that your client feels safe.  They can be vulnerable and say some things aloud that they wouldn't necessarily admit.  You play, you leap around in here.  This leads to small leaps of growth and healing.  

Good exercise sets up a similar container and teaches us that we can do hard things.  And when we keep showing up to class, keep prioritizing ourselves, it reinforces not just what we do - but who we are.  We are someone who shows up to class.  We are someone who can manage through the physical discomfort and become stronger.  We are someone who is mentally strong.  It becomes part of our positive identity.  Also, it teaches our brain to stay calm and regulate itself during the fight or flight response.  That we are not, in fact, going to die from hot yoga, haha.

Especially if you sit in front of a screen all day, your senses might be heightened.  Every email is a potential threat.  Every Slack or Teams message is someone wanting something from you.  You get a bit of tunnel vision and stuck in the tightly wound coils of your digital life.  Getting out there, breathing fresh air - amongst a community, no less - is a way to reset and ground you.  You don't live on the internet.  You live here, on the mat, with your sweat.  

Hi!  I'm Mandy and I'm a career coach and creator based in Eugene, Oregon.  I've known Wendy, the owner of The Pearl and one of my dearest friends, since we were very cool seventh graders in Hong Kong, lol.  After living in NYC in our 20s, we walked through many milestones (launching businesses, raising kids, entering our 40s) together.  I'm honored to be writing this guest post for The Pearl on the power of movement in our lives.